The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
