I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
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who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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