Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
