seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
