remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
My vagina just recognized that song.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
