yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
