When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize