Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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