the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
