Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
