so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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