If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
