I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
