MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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