I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
