Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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