Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
