I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I could fuck to npr.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
