There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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