your room smells of hookers.
And success
You can't motorboat a personality
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
