Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
