We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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