they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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