she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
