my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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