dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Randomize
