I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
