Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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