so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
