I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
