so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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