tell your sister to shave her snatch
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
