Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize