My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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