Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
