I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
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Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
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When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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