thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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