Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
