Four minutes until I can fart!
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Idk if I want to put a bra on
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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