if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
