i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
