I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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