Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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