Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
