yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
