For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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