dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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