she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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