My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
