I queefed so loud it echoed.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
