I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
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I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
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If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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