sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize