we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
