It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
My ATM looks so different sober.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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