He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
