I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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