I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
