Need sex. Gaining weight.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
