He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
