dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
