I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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