god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
