you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
