Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
