its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Randomize
