Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
