I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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