Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
