after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
